Life is such a difficult thing. Sometimes when you have an amazing, flowing year you forget. Sometimes you don’t even realize how difficult a year has been until you stop and think about it.
In the Sex and the City Movie at Charlotte’s baby shower Samantha is confronted by how unhappy she is - she sees it in the faces of her three best friends. My Christmas went a bit like that baby shower. It wasn’t so much unhappiness that was revealed but my being completely and utterly lost that was. Our second night in Ottawa and the faces I cannot hide from began their intervention. Spending 24 hours with me gave them all they needed to know. I was exhausted, rundown, lost and missing my “Mojo”. I couldn’t hide, and just like Samantha there was stuff I needed to change when I got back to LA/Oxford!
2012 had been the most amazing adventure of my life thus far. Moving to Kitsilano, getting to train for British Airways in LA, and finally getting into Oxford University. 2013 started off the same way with me finding my amazing TidyBoy. Then in June things started to change. My family left the heavenly kingdom of Vancouver. August saw a piece of work I had spent months on, and had put everything I could into - sweat, blood and tears - was completely annihilated. That Summer everything fell off kilter. I was unbalanced. To make matters worse I was working full time in an office job, and picking up extra money dog walking in my lunch hours and after work. With House Chair, and Social Secretary duties within college, and my studies I was Humpty Dumpty about to fall off the wall by the start of term. I had never been so tired, or so blocked (creatively) as I was from September till December.
I listened to my family’s advice. When I got back to work I reduced my hours to part-time. I went back to church for the first time since August. I reorganized my closet. I dyed my hair. I am reading books and watching classics. And most importantly... I am writing. This isn’t just a sprint for change, I am in it for the marathon. I haven’t been myself for so long it is going to take a while to retrace my steps back to... well myself.
Coming back to our little flat, and starting 2014 I feel like I am at the very least facing in the right direction again. Now it is just putting one step in front of the other....